11:00 Commandment

Oddly I was the first one at Sunday school this morning for church, as I'm usually the last. During this time we always start with high and lows and then read maybe one piece of a bible scripture and talk the rest of the time about anything and everything we can so to fit into that one hour we're all together. All of us are pretty much best friends, a close knit group. A bit of a clique I admit, but not exclusive. There are a few...not outsiders, but maybe floaters. A bit eccentric, social novices that stand apart from our faction. Although we try to tolerate them, even for the adults it's hard to collaborate and deal with their ques. We all try to cooperate and talk and interact with them, but it's hard when they ask the same questions ten times in a row, fall out of their chair every five minutes cause they can't stay still, and interrupt every single person in the room as they talk. Unfortunately their whole clan show up today. As we watched this all happen, repeatedly, my friend Jeff and I started at each other rolling our eyes, not believing this. We had a small group today along with a new teacher - Rick - we hate substitutes - mainly cause we all just have the urge to scream at him and tell him the truth about Sunday school - we do absolutely nothing. Though believe it or not, I liked the lesson. It was about miracles and what we thought when we saw them, or if we've seen them at all. But I really didn't think I'd actually been involved in or experienced seeing, a real miracle. Random people answered; "every day's a miracle", "miracle of life; birth","god saving people in all different ways", "oh this one time I saw this happen..", and so on. I sat with my mouth shut staring off into space, thinking about who knows what - anything but answering this question which in no way applied to me. We moved on and I leaned my head back on the couch staring at the ceiling, wondering when this guy was going to shut the hell up. I looked up and saw everyone doing the same thing - nothing. Not listening, playing with phones, zippers on jackets, hair. Even the pastors son, Sam was falling asleep, and mouthing to me, "get me out of here". I looked around at the circle of chairs, knowing exactly what each person was thinking...

Jeff: "..baseball.."
Chris: "..this is worse than military school.."
Rachel: "..why did I let my mom make me come today.."
Sarah: "..damn I look cute.."
Hailey: "..this guy has a weird thing on his eye-a tumor?-ew! cancer!....is that contagious?.."
Nick: "..I wonder how far I can lean back in this chair without falling.."
Trevor: "..where's Kathryn? Should I ask? No that would be weird...but god where is she??.."
Sam: "..I love how my sister is home doing nothing and I chose to come..and why?.."

We strewn away from miracles and somehow got on the topic of parents and stepparents. The love we have for them, how we show it, etc. etc. All I could think about was how half the time I hate my parents. My mom screams at me, yells at me for pretty much everything I do, makes me do all this stuff I can't stand, blames me for all mine and my sisters fights, and is extremely good at playing the guilt card. She's hard to make happy. Then theirs my dad who just annoys the shit out of me a lot of times, constantly asking me questions about everything I've done that day and the next, doesn't know how to take control, and says "no" to a lot of my plans made. Yes, I thought about this, but I also thought about what I would do without them. Rick was telling us about how his parents abandoned him when he was only two. He moved in and out of foster homes, not having his real parents, his real family. I decided I hate being an emotional person, as I had to look away to hide and hold back tears forming. What would I do without them...I honestly am incapable of reaching that far of an extent into my mind to pull out an answer that deep. Not having them, seeing them, laughing with them, talking to them, just being with them, is something I can't comprehend, can't imagine, can't live with. Thinking about it, I realized how grateful I am, lucky, for what I have, and for something Rick could never have; never experience. Whatever wrong my parents do, theirs always a good that overpowers it twice as much. For one thing, my mom's incredible. She schedules all our events and knows when and where everything happens, she fixes the most amazing meals, she helps out in every way she can for my school, church, family, anything. She always knows the right thing to say when I'm down, and can never disappoint me. I know I treat him with no respect and I can be a nasty bitch to him, but my dad cares so much about me, and I about him. What we have is special. We're always goofing around, and having as much fun as possible, laughing together all the time. It's is one of my favorite things - I don't think I laugh as much and as hard as when I'm with my dad. I can never look at him dead in the eyes and not crack a smile. It's impossible. You could say we're not as close as my mom and I, but that's not true. It's just in a different way - a great way. My parents and I have something I never want to let go of. They're not just the beholder of my necessities. They're the ones who listen, help me, understand me, hold me, know me, love me. They're my everything.

I opened my eyes, picked my head off the couch and answered today's lesson...my parents are my miracle.